suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
