Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize