You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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