I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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