have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
