A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She has the best kind of daddy issues
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize