yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
