Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
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