I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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