I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize