How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
