There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
