So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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