At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
