Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize