Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
As shirtless as possible
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
