wrigley field is MILF paradise
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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