i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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