Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
