If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
