are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
