So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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