He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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