I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
