Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
