this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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