I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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