i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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