he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize