I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
