all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
