Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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