Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
