I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
