My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
