Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
