i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
