Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
