Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
