Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
