i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
