; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
