im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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