perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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