Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
