How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
