and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
