did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
