ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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