So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
