watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
