I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
