so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
