Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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