what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
