I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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