I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
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