I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
