yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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