I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
