you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
