those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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