Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Randomize
