now i know why i became what i already was.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
