Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
