the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
