Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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