while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
