life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
