I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
