she smelled like a LAN party
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
