I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
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