I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
