you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
