Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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