I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
