why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
